People always ask me “Justin, oh Great One, how do you connect with everyone?”, and I always answer “Little servant, it is nothing more than listening.”
The best way to turn people off is not listening, and that helps out alot if you want to be left alone. (Unless they’re persistant buggers, then you resort to other methods.) So in a convenient fashion I’ll list out 5 things you’ll need to remember if you want to maintain and upkeep all sorts of relationships.
1. Listening means not speaking. Sometimes it’s just better to not say anything. Nothing is worse than giving uncessary advice when the person who is talking just wants to be heard. Most people come to confide in people when they hope to not be judged. If you give advice that means you’re judging the person and the situation and coming up with a solution of you’re own. Ofcourse if they say “I need your advice” and say something then you can spring in and give advice. I’ve spoken 4 words to someone in a conversation and at the end of a 1 hour talk they told me “Thanks for listening and understanding.”
2. Relating with the person is probably easier said than done. Sometimes they talk about situations and things you could not really relate with and find it difficult to continue the conversation. The best you can do if you cannot relate at all is repeat the same key words they emphasized and try your hardest to understand. If they say it’s tough, agree and say it’s tough. Don’t disagree and go off on another tangent. As hard as it may be (even if they are totally wrong) you should just listen for the moment. Most of the time people are smart enough to realize their mistakes and blunders and will often come back for a second talk. If you successfully relate to someone, then you’re on a good path towards establishing a strong friendship. A mutual understanding goes a long way.
3. Set aside time to talk it out. Nothing is worse when you’re in the middle of some deep conversation and have someone interrupt or the listener leave. If you commit and tell the person you’ll stay as long as it takes, then they’ll know you care. Always be alert to respond and reply (if online). No one likes believing that you’re not paying attention or just not caring. And leaving halfway through listening is just a slap in the face. Most likely they won’t return to you.
4. As a listener it is also a duty to be one to speak. In most girl/guy relationships the guy does the listening while the girl does all the talking. Sometimes it’s beneficial to talk back and make the girl listen. It makes her feel that you trust her more and are willing to share just as much as she does. It’s probably tougher since we have macho complexes, but it’s really worthwhile to do. Once a girl realizes that all you do is listen and never talk, as nice as it is, she’ll find it boring and one sided.
5. Always keep your ears peeled for topics that might need attention. No one really these days say “I really have to talk to you”, or “I really need someone to listen to me.” More often than not they’ll give out little tips and clues to topics that need paying attention too. They can be subtle and will mostly be recognizable in random topic changes or breaks in speech. If you are alert and pick these out, my man, you’re doing good.
Following these 5 not so simple steps will result in stronger friendships and deeper relationships. Dont’ you hate it when couples complain about the other not listening?
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